Wow, hi, where did the time even just go??? I've been writing posts and blogs and all sorts of contents as the months flew by and each time I'd do it I'd be shocked at the milestones and achievements we reached. Being proud of yourself is a cool thing, and I think I've been doing a good job of talking better to myself. You know, positive self-talk? But sometimes.
I'm really bad at self-talk. I let things flood in with no reprieve and expect myself to stay afloat. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS!!!!!! All of it!!!!!!! Surprise, that's not actually how it works.
So to just get right back into it - I was about to head to my first counseling session since realizing I needed to get help from someone else. You, even, guys. She's amazing, I was feeling fricken lighter and lighter with every session. And then I canceled one because I wanted to sleep-in instead. I thought that was the self-care I needed. Turns out I was being rather self-indulgent instead and NOT self-compassionate. Pls browse this site either now or when you're done the blog, it is so so relevant and accurate -> https://self-compassion.org/. Dr. Kristin Neff is brilliant. And not that I don't love my current counselor, but can you I m A g I n E if she was yours!!!!!!!!! Anywho, canceled the appointment and tried to rebook shortly after but nothing was available or lining up with my schedule ugh. So I put it off for a bit longer. Until I started forgetting! Don't worry - I made an appointment and am going this week! At this point, it's probably been at least a month. Before I was going once a week for a bit and then the last two times every other week. Just sit with that for a minute. Imagine - or if you can relate, great - feeling significantly worse or better after speaking to a specific person for one hour a week. If that's all it takes for me personally to function better, feel better, take care of myself better... I think it's worth my time. I think it's important that I continue to dedicate my time to that.
And so even though I've been feeling really out of it, focusing on the negative and not recognizing the accomplishments or developments and being compassionate with myself during changes ... I still made myself the appointment. I still reacted quicker than last time. and those are things, for me, to celebrate. I have made progress, significantly, since the last blog. However, the past few weeks have been hard. So it's almost like I've forgotten about the progress. Until I read my last blog and realized yeah, you're killing it. And you're going to keep killing it because you're taking care of yourself. Starting .....